Jaws of Death

This is from an interview with legendary stuntperson, Dick Warlock. It was a round tank. Stephen Spielberg is over here, looking through a porthole. You got the cage here. You got the Bruce* facing this way. Over her, you got Whitey Crumb, who’s using one of these gadgets that you use to fly an airplane […]

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Universal (Monster) Healthcare

One of my classmates in nursing school was perpetually scrolling on her phone during class. She seemed to have an internal alarm that would tell her it was time to seem like she was paying attention. She would suddenly sit up straight, drag her finger down the textbook page and raise her hand. “Is it […]

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Baby’s First

You want a gross and awkward story? Well, here you go. I think it was you who warned me that baby’s first poo was going to be exceptionally nasty. Yes, it is. Right after my daughter was born, as the nurse was bringing her to me to place on my chest, she let it go, […]

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Thrasher is not one of Santa’s

My girlfriend asked me if I was going to put out the deer this Christmas. They are a part of my display, but she hasn’t been able to look at them since the incident. She had a deer leap through a window one night and land in the basement of her split-level home. It thrashed […]

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Mousy Brown Hair

I don’t remember when it happened, but it was cold, I know that. I was sleeping. My hair was long at the time and I had it in a sloppy pile on top of my head. As I slept, I kept feeling something. I didn’t want to wake up, so I tried to convince myself […]

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Eureka Springs Strikes Again

Oh, yeah, I’ve seen ghosts. I’ve lived in Eureka Springs my whole life. Everywhere I’ve lived has been haunted. See, there’s a limestone bedrock, and that’s a conductor for spiritual energy, so we get ghosts from all time periods here. Where I’m living now is haunted by, we believe, an old man. Under the house […]

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