Scary

…and I Must Scream

I was at a hotel for a writers’ conference when the elevator stopped working. Down on the second floor, we could hear the screams coming from all the way on the seventh. It was the author Harlan Ellison, of all people. He was stuck in that elevator alone and in the dark for almost an […]

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Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls

I had found the waterfall. It was the highlight of my trip to Kyoto. It had taken too long, though. My phone was quickly dying, as the sun sank lower in the sky. I tried to remember the path back to the main road. I tried to call to mind the location of the nearest […]

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No ‘chute, pt. 2

The pilot in this scene said, “Well, if you don’t wear a ‘chute, I’m not wearing a ‘chute.” I’m upside down, hanging from the thing. Neither of us are wearing a ‘chute. Most everything, like I said, is rehearsed, but some things you can’t rehearse. About a month after we shot this, the pilot has […]

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Jaws of Death

This is from an interview with legendary stuntperson, Dick Warlock. It was a round tank. Stephen Spielberg is over here, looking through a porthole. You got the cage here. You got the Bruce* facing this way. Over her, you got Whitey Crumb, who’s using one of these gadgets that you use to fly an airplane […]

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Universal (Monster) Healthcare

One of my classmates in nursing school was perpetually scrolling on her phone during class. She seemed to have an internal alarm that would tell her it was time to seem like she was paying attention. She would suddenly sit up straight, drag her finger down the textbook page and raise her hand. “Is it […]

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Thrasher is not one of Santa’s

My girlfriend asked me if I was going to put out the deer this Christmas. They are a part of my display, but she hasn’t been able to look at them since the incident. She had a deer leap through a window one night and land in the basement of her split-level home. It thrashed […]

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Nuke Rain

I remember when Chernobyl happened. I was working at a nuclear facility here in the states. We had a couple of the sweetest scientists from Sweden visiting after the incident. During their visit our radioactivity sensors got tripped. We were panicking until we were able to isolate the cause. It was the footprints of the […]

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Molotov Cocktail

A word of advice for if you’re ever travelling out of the country: make sure your travelling companions have a decent picture of you looking presentable. A picture of you shit-faced, waving a drink around right before you set yourself on fire is not going to make finding you in the hospital very easy, especially […]

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Ignite, Igniting, Ignition

Volkswagens put a lot of emphasis on safety. It’s good that they do. Be happy your car won’t start. Mine did and the steering column caught on fire… while I was driving. I was just 16 and didn’t know what to do. I pulled into a cheap motel parking lot and hopped out, leaving the […]

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